Habits

There are plenty of habits we as human beings learn throughout our lives that have an impact on our behaviors as we grow up. For children of alcoholics it's many things. Taking care of other people before you take care of yourself, becoming paranoid, anxious and closed off are just some habits attributed to this family disease.

As we become older it can be more difficult to break these bad habits and to bring them into our adult relationships. For myself the hardest habit that I constantly am trying to break is to stop being anxious in certain situations. For example: If I don't hear from someone within a certain time frame? I automatically think I've done something wrong. If someone looks upset, I automatically think I've made them upset (here's the kicker, usually I haven't seen them at all that day). These are all things that I have picked up from living the life I lived. It is not fault to my qualifier but of the nasty disease that is alcoholism. Alcohol has not only caused difficulties in my qualifiers life but mine as well.

This shows the importance of realizing you need to kick habits, to stop worrying, stop blaming yourself for others misery and just concentrate on yourself. When you bring these negative habits into your life it causes so many issues. I'm working through all of my issues slowly and I encourage you to do the same!

Don't let your bad habits from your past take control of everything you have to look forward to in the future.

Love,

Anonymous

Helpful Reminder

Their drunk is their drunk

Their reaction is their reaction

..................

Your reaction is your reaction

Love,
Anonymous x

Today...

Today I got in a fight. Of course with my qualifier. The context around it was:

"You don't know tough"

This really annoyed me. Not because I'm sitting here feeling sorry for the tough things I dealt with, but because my qualifier seems to be under the impression that I have it so easy. It was difficult for me to explain that in fact, I did not and that I had a lot of stuff going on as well. But, of course the conversation did a 180 and we just went back to talking about how they were feeling and how hard their life was. It is almost as though the tough things in life I went through were cancelled out and forgotten about, which annoyed me to death because they were things I had to learn to deal with and eventually learned from. If this conversation taught me anything, it would be that I am so sick to death of this type of behavior, and even more annoyed that it is being assumed my life is a slice of pie. 

Because our qualifiers are only focused on themselves and the struggles they are going through they assume they can stop everything in other peoples lives to bring the focus back to them. I have heard the famous apology we all hear, but today I was not having it. It's almost like a slap in the face hearing it so much. Then when my other parent was brought into the conversation and it turned into a he said/she said dilemma I had to finish the conversation. How much longer does one have to deal with this? For me, not much longer.  I told my qualifier I was sick and tired to trying to help and that I could no longer do it. 

I know that sounds like a broken record to some of you? Some of you might have said that over and over again, every day, every fight or conversation for the past 'X' amount of years. Well today when I said it I meant it... so hopefully that will be that. I hope that if you are in a similar situation you have the ability to say "no more" and actually mean it.. because the next time we talk I will most likely take that back... I hope you don't make the same mistake. 

Love always, 

Anonymous 

"Fixer" is not in your job description

Alcoholism NEVER ceases to amaze me... and not in a good way.

There is something so disturbing about how it gets into someone's head and turns them into a completely different person. I was convinced everything was fine this week, but it was not. Clearly something is wrong with my qualifier if this keeps happening after all those years of sobriety. All I want to do is be a detective and poke around until I can figure out the problem once and for all by myself. Sadly, I can't do that, because it's unfair on me. This all comes back for being unable to fix problems. I was convinced the past few times have had something to do with me, because it seems to happen whenever I see her. Then I find myself being a crazy person slapping my head repeating "This is not your fault, get over it". I have a ton of metaphorical bruises from saying that over and over again.

Why does this happen?

NO idea. I'm sure if I had a 100% assurance that the reason for person A was the same as B, E, H or R I would be making a ton of money. No one knows why, and while we can educate ourselves, we cannot try to educate ourself to become a fixer. You were not put on this planet to be a FIXER. You were put on this planet to live your own life, not that of someone else. I know it gets very repetitive but it is so crucial to understand that you need to break away, lead your own life and do it with a smile.

When I was home? There was nothing I could do or say. No matter how many times I made a scene and asked to either spend time or just said "Please Stop" nothing really did it.

I hope that we can all learn to see through this disease and lovingly detach. It's too hard to cure, and no good comes from our attempts, we only wear ourselves down further.

This is something we NEED to change.

All the best,

Anonyumous