Alcoholism NEVER ceases to amaze me... and not in a good way.
There is something so disturbing about how it gets into someone's head and turns them into a completely different person. I was convinced everything was fine this week, but it was not. Clearly something is wrong with my qualifier if this keeps happening after all those years of sobriety. All I want to do is be a detective and poke around until I can figure out the problem once and for all by myself. Sadly, I can't do that, because it's unfair on me. This all comes back for being unable to fix problems. I was convinced the past few times have had something to do with me, because it seems to happen whenever I see her. Then I find myself being a crazy person slapping my head repeating "This is not your fault, get over it". I have a ton of metaphorical bruises from saying that over and over again.
Why does this happen?
NO idea. I'm sure if I had a 100% assurance that the reason for person A was the same as B, E, H or R I would be making a ton of money. No one knows why, and while we can educate ourselves, we cannot try to educate ourself to become a fixer. You were not put on this planet to be a FIXER. You were put on this planet to live your own life, not that of someone else. I know it gets very repetitive but it is so crucial to understand that you need to break away, lead your own life and do it with a smile.
When I was home? There was nothing I could do or say. No matter how many times I made a scene and asked to either spend time or just said "Please Stop" nothing really did it.
I hope that we can all learn to see through this disease and lovingly detach. It's too hard to cure, and no good comes from our attempts, we only wear ourselves down further.
This is something we NEED to change.
All the best,
Anonyumous
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