Help Somebody

If you've come across this site you probably are struggling with living with someone living with an addiction. When I say in the title 'Help Somebody' I don't mean helping people with an addiction and trying to fix them but what I mean is to help someone struggling with living with this addiction, and that people help you. I encourage you to talk to people you trust about the struggles of living with this disease. Helping other people out will also help put things into perspective for yourself as well as the people you speak to.

I have been so surprised with how much talking to others helps.
Take courage in this and practice it. I'll always be here

Love Anonymous
X

What hurts the most is realizing you can do nothing

I'm in a bit of a situation at the moment. I have always lived by the three C's (Cannot Cure it, Cannot Control it, Did not Cause it) however, I am at the stage where what is upsetting most is not when my qualifier drinks, but rather it's feeling so bad for them because you know that they can only help themselves. In a way, I actually feel a bit useless. 

While I am very keen to continue on with life, and as I've been told "you don't owe anyone anything, you owe yourself everything" I still can't quite let go. I know I have written about detachment and the importance of detaching with love... but I'll be honest, it is something I am so terrible at doing.. because I'll say "Yes, I am detaching, I love you but I need to work on me and you need to work on you" and a few days later I'm calling up, checking up, and helping out.. something I had vowed to stop doing. 

Then, suddenly I realized, I really can't do anything, no matter how much I try to convince myself that I can. And that, truly, is what hurts the most. 

Love, 

Anonymous 

You're not a victim unless you convince yourself you are

This has been a hard one for me to grasp.

Things happen to us every day (if you're lucky!) and somethings just suck. They are negative and upset us and bring our mood down. When something like this happens to me for example, I just get so overwhelmed and upset that it really does ruin my mood and puts me in a far worse one. Sometimes, I've found if I shrug my shoulders, say "oh well" and accept what has happened I can move on without naming myself a victim, stop feeling sorry for myself and continue on without giving it a second thought.

I think this is really difficult especially for children of addicts because this can be a feeling felt often, and getting over it or trying to triumph against it can be really hard, and if not gone about the right way can drag you down even more.

This following quote is taken from 'Courage to Change' (I really suggest ordering it...) and surprisingly the topic today is on this very subject, something I often struggle with.

"God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choice is how" Henry Ward Beecher

So next time you are naming yourself a victim in any situation, make a decision in your mind if you are going to let it get to you and make you a victim, or if you are going to grab the situation by the horns and do something about it.

YOU can do it.

I'm doing it too.

Never alone,

Anonymous

Bring the JOY back into your life

Being in this position, someone with a loved one suffering addiction can sometimes take all the joy out of life. If you take me for example, I always expect the bottom to drop out of things and for life to go pear shaped again, not really ever expecting anything for the fear I would get my hopes up.

My main thought today was how (especially children of addicts) how we can get the joy back into our life, and how we can stop feeling like the world is against us? Personally, every time I'm about to get happy, it's almost an alarm that goes off that says "Oops, she's about to be happy, let's get her"

I reach out to my higher power constantly for guidance and strength. I do understand that not everyone has the same beliefs and that we each have our own, but I think it is necessary and important to confide in something or someone, and this helps put a little joy back into my life. I never really realized until I got older, how much of this disease, this addiction disease could really have on people.. and the older I am getting the more I realize that it has a huge impact and we have to start enjoying life and appreciating the good... or at least I do.

So today, pose this question to yourself. How can you bring joy back into your life, after being faced with such a difficult task in life. If anyone has any ideas I'm up for hearing them!

Loads of Love,

Anonymous

Everything is perfect, until it goes wrong

Sometimes I have to realize that life is not always perfect, nor is it meant to be, and sometimes we face big mountains of problems. Once we climb that mountain, we feel accomplished, until we realize we have to keep going. We can't just stop once we think something is finished. 

That's kind of how I've been feeling these past few weeks (hence no update-- apologies)

I thought everything was "back to normal" and I know I shouldn't use such words, but I did think everything was perfect, until it all went down the gutter about two weeks ago. Guess what, my qualifier has relapsed, only this time it's conveniently before a big visit for a family members birthday in a few weeks. 

Today I was I at work. Minding my own business and getting bogged down with work when my phone rings, and for some reason I felt compelled to answer, even though thanks for caller id I already knew who it was. Can I say I was honestly surprised when I had a person yelling at me over the phone? No. Would I have been disappointed if it was a calm conversation? Yes. This might sound strange, however, I would have been happier had it be a conversation I had been expecting, rather than a nice one that only got my hopes up further.

So how do we, children, spouses, family and friends of addicts keep going when everything goes wrong? Personally, remembering the good does not do much, it only makes me more upset and long for change. Instead, even though it hurts, I have to see through the trials and accept them for what they are. I know if I keep my head on straight, and my nose out of their business one day they will see the light. I can only pray that the day comes soon. 

I suppose it is crucial for us not to loose hope when things go wrong-- and instead be optimistic that one day things will be better and be as "perfect" as they can be. 

I hope that day happens for you soon. 

Love,

Anonymous