My qualifier had been clean for awhile before their slip. When I first found out, I was devastated. When I saw it for myself, I was even worse. I think it was so much easier for me to hear about it over the phone, rather then be faced with the problem head on. It brought me back to all of those problems I thought were over and done with.
What this taught me most, was that we never escape this disease! Ever! I thought years later I was done dealing with all that cr@p when really.. I can't escape it! That is why, I cannot stress enough the importance of having a support group. I used to get SO embarrassed by my situation. I used to lie to people, pretend it wasn't happening, or make excuses for behavior I shouldn't have been excusing. By getting so embarrassed, it took me some time to want to open up to people. I kept thinking "They are going to think my situation is so weird, or that my family is really messed up or that I'm overreacting and making it a bigger deal than it is.. or what if I'm the only one dealing with this" over and over I thought this. Then, I got the courage to open up, to tell people and to be honest. That support I had and continue to have means the absolute world to me, because it is those people who sat with me, cried with me and helped me get through the hard times.
This time, when my qualifier slipped, I had no problem getting on the phone, and I didn't let my pride get the best of me. I realized that even though I don't like it, I am always going to be dealing with this, whether with my qualifier or another one, and that I have to learn to lean on people and ask people for help when needed.
Never be embarrassed. Always ask for support or just a shoulder to lean on in the tough times.
You can always email me at wisdomtoknowthedifference2011@gmail.com if you need to vent and write out your feelings.
Love you lots!
Anonymous
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